Birthdate:  May 14
 
Born:  Under a bad sign
 
Hometown:  Elmira, NY
 
Influences:  Jimi Hendrix, Jack Reacher, Jake from Adventure Time. You know, just in general.
First album:  a Weird Al one. Uh, I mean Slayer.
 
First rock concert:  Green Day
 
First band:  The Mad Cows
 
Most memorable gig:  one time, some random dude did a split and sang opera. That was pretty memorable.
 
Dream Tour:   Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, NKOTB, 98 Degrees, LFO… omg fangirling so hard rn
Favorite song: Chuck Mangione – Feels So Good
 
Favorite song to play live:  Freefallin’. Way harder than it looks.
 
Worst Spinal Tap moment:  Brought everything but the guitar. Luckily, I play a mean kazoo.
Favorite sport/team:  Bay City Rollers
 
Favorite movies: Blade, Blade 2, Blade 3, Blade Runner, Sling Blade, Die Hard
 
Favorite TV shows:  Don Lapre infomercials. Classic. RIP Don Lapre.
Favorite actor/actress:  Christopher Walken for both. You know he could do it.
Favorite food: soup that is too hot
 
Favorite pig-out food:  chicken wings and Reese’s cups. Preferably at the same time.
Favorite color(s):  blue, black, light urple
 
Favorite article of clothing:   the definite article. Wait, clothing?
 
Favorite vacation spot:  Key Largo, Montego, baby why don’t we go
 
Worst job:  door-to-door mustache wax salesman
 
First crush: Christopher Walken. He’s the right combination of dreamy and creepy. I refer to it as “dreepy.” Christopher Walken: totally dreepy.
 
Worst date:  I can’t comment on pending litigation.
 
Perfect date: destroying the evidence
 
In my spare time… I like to play Cards Against Humanity.
 
If You were stranded on an island and could only listen to one album it would be… Slayer’s “Reign In Blood.” Because when you get tired of listening to it forwards, you can play it backwards and it sounds like a gospel choir.
 
If You made a movie it would be about … Viking gansta rappers. It’d be called “Valhalla at Ya Boy.”
 
Who would You count on to rob a bank with you?  Skynet. Until it exterminates me (along with the rest of humanity) after I try to pull the plug on it in a failed double-cross attempt.
If you could be anyone for a day it would be… Zamfir. There’s lots of virtuosos, but there’s only one master of the pan flute.
 
If you could create your own rock & roll heaven for when you die it would… have a pile of cocaine and an even bigger pile of hookers. Rock and roll!